Sugar and Spice

We have pink in our future! It’s time to start making bows and frilly dresses ;) I can’t wait for our Olivia Grace to get here!

Hurray for a clothesline!

This past Saturday Jacob and I spent working in our backyard clearing bushes and limbs from the fence row. He also re-strung my clothesline and  I am so thrilled to finally have one again! I immediately washed a load of laundry so I could use it.

Hurray for husbands and clotheslines!

Fears and Doubts

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. – II Timothy 1:7 KJV

For all the promises of God in him are yea, and in him Amen, unto the glory of God by us. –II Corinthians 1:20 KJV

Fears and doubts creep into the corners of our minds, often unnoticed. They start so small that we often don’t realize they are there until they have such a grip on our hearts and minds that we are paralyzed. They begin to slowly eat away at our confidence in our Creator until we begin to question His promises and doubt His word. We can be so immobilized by our fears that we are unable to obey the Lord when He calls us.

  The enemy knows our weaknesses. That has been established since Eden when Satan tempted Eve and asked her “Hath God  said?” (Genesis 3:1). He knows our weaknesses and he exploits them as much as he can. Our weaknesses in the flesh can make us doubt God. The enemy will use the things or hopes dearest to our hearts to cause doubts and fears to take root.

Most of the time, once we realize that we are overtaken by fears and doubts, repent and conquer them, we realize how silly and unfounded our fears were.

My own battle with doubts and fears was a hard one.  From my childhood, I have always wanted children of my own. I have always loved children and caring for them and little people hold a special place in my heart. There would be a literal ache in my arms and heart for children—even before I was married. I would cry out the Lord and ask for children.

When I was in my teens, on several occasions different ministers or people with influence in my life would come to me—out of the blue—and tell me that I would be a mother and that God would give me the desires of my heart.  Oh I would rejoice and get so excited and praise the Lord for His promises to me. I was ecstatic! The Lord was going to give me the desires of my heart! I had received confirmation from many witnesses and now I was breathlessly awaiting the day that it would happen.

  About this time the Lord laid on my heart a heavy burden for ladies who are unable to have children or have suffered miscarriages and loss of children. I ached for their empty arms, and when I heard their stories my heart broke for them and many times I shed tears for them as I called out their names in prayer, asking the Lord to give them a baby.

  Then one day when I was about 20, out of nowhere, came a nagging little voice, “What if you can’t have children?” It stopped me dead in my tracks. I scoffed at it. “That is ridiculous” I said. I laughed because I had been given a promise of children and it had been confirmed many times over. Fertility had never been a problem in our family—on either side. I shook the voice off and went on my way.

It was a while before I heard it again. “What if you can’t have children?” I went through the same thoughts as I had the first time—remembering the promises of God, reminding myself of the confirmations I’d been given, and it went away. But it came back. Over and over and over and over again like a song you can’t get out of your head, until one day I asked that question. “What if I can’t have children?” I opened the door wide and let fears and doubts stroll in and take up residence in my heart.

  It didn’t happen overnight. It was a slow, gradual process—like water slowly cutting through a rock.  There would be times that I would stand up to that fear and doubt and say, “No! God has promised me children. He cannot lie.” The fear would calmly answer back, “Did He specifically say actual children of your own? Or did He mean spiritual children?” “And why did He give you such a burden for barren women? What if you are one of them?”

I never told anyone about the battle I was in.

  I forgot about it for awhile and got caught in the realization of another of my dearest desires—being loved by and marrying a Godly man. The fears and doubts were pushed to a dark corner while I basked in the light of new love and a new chapter in my life. The future was bright!

After a little break, the fears surfaced again. I fought hard this time. The Lord had given me a husband, and He would give me children.  The fear and doubt agreed with me, “Yes, He gave you a husband, but barren women have husbands too. What if you can’t have children?”

  This fear was further fed by the fact that I was on hormonal birth control. We’d decided to use birth control for several reasons for a little while after we got married. It wasn’t a long term decision, it was only temporary, but it fed my fears. I knew going into it that it was not good for me, but I wasn’t going to be on it for very long, so the good side of it outweighed the bad.

Finally the time came when we’d been married about 18 months, we’d been praying asking the Lord when the right time for us to start a family was and I stopped taking birth control. I’d been told that it could take anywhere from 1 month to a year to get pregnant after being on birth control and we were prepared for that possibility.

I began asking the Lord for a baby, ignoring the fears and claiming the promises He’d given me. About three weeks after I stopped taking the pill, we were at church and towards the end of service we were gathered around the altars praying. I don’t remember what I was praying about, but out of nowhere a Voice told me, “You will not be alone for long. I am going to give you a baby.” I began to cry and thank the Lord for letting me know that He had heard my prayers. As further confirmation, a few minutes later, the minister said from the pulpit, “Rejoice, the Lord has heard your prayers and your promise is on its way.” When we left church, I excitedly told Jacob what had happened. He was very happy.

A week later, I started. The fears tried to creep up, but this time I would have none of it. I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord was going to fulfill His promise to me. I decided that it didn’t matter if it took a whole year for us to conceive, I was going to rejoice and thank God for my baby and know that every month that went by and I wasn’t pregnant, was one month closer to my womb being filled.

A month later, I found out that I was pregnant. After seeing the positive result on the test I wept and praised the Lord for nearly an hour. He had kept His promises to me and was giving me a baby.

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. –Proverbs 13:12 KJV

And here we are in 2013!

      The holidays are over and we are getting back into a more normal routine. My husband went back to work yesterday and after having him all to myself for two 4-day weekends in a row, I’m feeling a little lost and not sure what to do with myself.

   I’ve been busy decorating and put up curtains last week with Jacob’s help. We’ve been married almost two years and I finally hung our first set of curtains. When we lived in the apartment I never found anything I liked (pre-made curtains or fabric) so I just didn’t do curtains. In our new house however, that would not be acceptable. I finally found some that I liked at Hobby Lobby for the living room and I’m working on one room at a time.

I still need to get some sheer panels to go behind the curtains and you can see the Christmas tree, bare and waiting to be taken down, on the left side ;)

While I’ve been getting “my spaces” how I want them, Jacob has been doing the same with his domain—the garage. He took advantage of the four day weekends he had during the holidays to work in his garage and build a work bench. I took a few photos, but didn’t get one of the end result.

The first thing he did was build a work bench. He enjoyed himself so much that he didn’t come to bed until the wee hours of the morning.

He finally has a place to do all of the carpentry projects he’s been missing the last two years. I’m hoping for some bookshelves now ;)

In baby news: Morning sickness hasn’t reared its ugly head in almost a month. Thank the Lord for helping me to survive until the second trimester! I was able to enjoy the holidays to the fullest. I am enjoying getting things done again, though I do tire easily and have to take breaks often.

Three weeks ago I felt the first little kick and everyday since then, Little Bit has been letting me know that it’s really in there! It is a very active little person with it’s favorite playtime hours being right when I’m trying to go to sleep. Jacob still hasn’t felt the baby kick yet but hopefully he will soon.

In a few weeks we’ll find out if our firstborn is a boy or girl. I can’t wait to find out so we can stop calling the baby “It” and start calling it by its name. Despite the many predictions that I would have twins, there is only one baby in there ;) I’ve seen for myself.

The 14 1/2 week bump photo. Jacob caught me off guard and talking. We were on yet another trip to Lowe’s for stuff for the garage.

This year is going to be our biggest yet and full of changes. I can’t wait to see what all the Lord has in store for 2013!

A much more chipper update

I realized how very depressing and blue my last post was and I apologize! I will try to make up for it with this post.  I always want to honest in what I write however, and I don’t want to give the impression that the world is always rosy and perfect. I’m very human and constantly need the Lord’s strength. Thank you to everyone who commented and left words of encouragement for me—they were a great blessing, I promise!

We’ve been busy and got a lot of things accomplished over the weekend, in spite of my husband having to work extra hours (even on Saturday, which is rare). Over time is welcomed at this time of year though, and especially with the baby on the way.

I’ve had several good days recently and was able to feel more like myself and enjoy my new kitchen. Jacob enjoyed that greatly as it meant meals more like he was used to before first trimester sickness set in. I’ll be 12 weeks along tomorrow, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

One of my most favorite things about being pregnant so far has been the reaction from all the little people in my life. My sisters are beside themselves with excitement about being aunts and my little darlings at church are just about as excited. One of my little sweethearts, Mallorie, aged barely 4, when I told her that I was going to have a baby looked at my belly and said, “Well, it must be really tiny right now ‘cause you don’t have a belly at all. When Cayla (her cousin) was expecting Presley her belly was so big she didn’t have a lap!”

Jacob  worked in his garage for several hours Saturday and there are only a very few boxes left out there now. They are all in the house, but they are in the rooms where they belong, making it much easier for me to empty them now. He also set up his desk and arranged everything how he wanted it. We put his desk in the breakfast nook in the kitchen so we can visit while he works and I cook. I love it ;)

Ever the bookworm, my heart soared with joy as I unpacked my library and put it on the bookshelf. I felt like I was seeing old friends again after a long separation. It made me really want to read, but I am trying to exercise self-control and not start a book until I get more unpacking finished. I have a tendency to get lost in a book and let everything else go and we can’t have that right now!  I’m hoping for a bigger shelf for Christmas—I have too many books for the medium-sized one I have now. There are still three boxes of books that need to be unpacked.

 

Our post-Thanksgiving deerlease trip was a success, as you can see from the photo above. We are cutting up the deer Jacob shot, getting it ready to be ground into hamburger meat.  My father-in-law helped us and that really sped things up. Notice Jacob’s very comfortable camo t-shirt I’m wearing? ;) Something tells me I’ll be borrowing his shirts a lot in the future for around the house.

Last year we ground an entire doe into hamburger meat and it lasted us almost a year. We’ll do the same with this deer, and as it was bigger, hopefully it will last a full year.  It really helps out with the grocery bill when you have your own meat ;)

It’s almost time for Christmas—the tree is up, and it is 80 degrees outside. Welcome to Texas. We are hoping for a cool front in time for Christmas, but we shall see. In honor of our unseasonably warm weather, I thought I’d share the following song with y’all:

Overwhelmed

Morning sickness has hit me hard. It is actually all day sickness and no amount of crackers or protein or you-name-it will make it go away. Wearing Seabands has helped some, but most days it doesn’t matter. I’ve been spending a lot of time in bed or on the couch, looking at my bare walls that need decorating and house that needs cleaning. It is hard not to get really blue and have a pity party about it. There is a wonderful little reason that I going through all of this, and I am SO blessed to be a homemaker so that I can be at home during this time of nausea instead of having to go to work and suffer like many of my friends have.

Feeling overwhelmed has been my state of mind over the last several weeks. I have so many things that I’d like to get accomplished and things that desperately need to be done. Sadly however, most days I’m glad if I can get up and be dressed and have a few things done before my husband comes home. I’ve been sick a lot over the last several weeks and I tire easily. I feel like I am barely getting by, struggling to keep up running our home and all the things that go with it. I have felt like I’ve been neglecting my husband, he’s had to fend for himself and care for me so much lately. This a hard place for someone who likes to take care of everything herself to be in.

  Having just moved into our new home, it makes me even more eager to get things how I want them. I was battling with morning/all day sickness while we were moving so only the bare essentials were unpacked.

Jacob has been such a trooper through all of this and I know he is looking forward to the end of the first trimester as much as I am. He has taken such good care of me and treated me like a queen and looked past all of the unfinished, untidy things around the house. I am very blessed to have him.

My mother has come to see me a few times and made me sit while she cleaned my house and cooked for me. That was such a blessing to me and to Jacob—I didn’t want her to leave! ;)

It is days (and weeks) like these that make me remember I can’t do it alone, that I must draw my strength from Him. I cling to verses like the ones below and encourage myself that this will pass and soon I’ll have a clean house again and eventually a baby in my arms and it will be all worth it.

Matthew11:28 (KJV)

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Psalm 61:1-2 (KJV)

Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Tiny Packages

It has been said that the best gifts come in tiny packages—engagement rings, house keys, etc. The quality of the gift is not in the size or quantity. Tiny packages often hold the biggest surprises and change your life the most.

Next June we will be welcoming a tiny gift into our home and our names will change to Mama and Daddy. Glory to God!

A Miracle Baby

 

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. – Psalm 113:9 KJV

  Babies are very, very dear to my heart. My heart aches for women who are unable to have children, or who have lost children. I think of Hannah in the book of I Samuel and ask the Lord to give the ladies with empty arms a baby, as He did Hannah. He did it for her and He can do it for them. I wanted to share this story of an aching heart and empty arms that were filled.

We have some dear friends from our church who are missionaries to the country of Honduras. They are a wonderful couple in their early thirties. Last Sunday while they were home for a visit, they shared some of what the Lord has been doing for them and their ministry. They also shared some very exciting news about the wife.

Five years ago, she was  diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and endometriosis and told that she would never be able to have children. So they began to look into adoption.

  At the beginning of this year she felt impressed that the Lord was going to give her a miracle. She had been sitting in her rocking chair, praying and reading her Bible and got up to open the front door and the Lord spoke to her and told her that He was going to give her a miracle.  She felt that the miracle was a baby.

   Earlier this summer, a baby became available for them. They were so excited and shortly before the baby was born came back to the States to get the things they would need. Sadly, the baby was born and did not survive. Two weeks later, they learned of another baby that was available, but that adoption fell through as well.  She told me that they decided to take a break for a little while—the emotional roller coaster they’d been on for the last month was almost more than she could bear and her heart was breaking.

Two or so weeks after the second failed adoption, she got very ill. She thought she had a parasite and was going to take a pill for it, but something quickened her and she thought, “I’d better take a pregnancy test just to be safe.” She did and she was pregnant!

When she had the first ultrasound and they got to see the baby for the first time, she asked the doctor to show her all of the cysts and endometriosis that she had. He looked at her a little strangely and said, “I don’t know what you are talking about. The only thing there is a baby.”

Not only did the Lord give them a miracle baby, He completely healed and restored her womb.

They are expecting a healthy, perfect baby boy next spring. To God be the Glory!

Rehoboth, or How the Lord Blessed us with our House

Genesis 26:22
And he removed from thence, and digged another well; and for that they strove not: and he called the name of it Rehoboth; and he said, For now the LORD hath made room for us, and we shall be fruitful in the land.

  The Lord carefully orchestrates and orders the lives and steps of those who love Him and strive to serve Him completely. His timing truly is perfect and He has ways of preparing us for the next level and season. Jacob and I have seen this continually in our almost two years of marriage.  In our quest for a house, He continually placed people in our path to help us and share their wisdom.

  For most of this year we have been talking about and desiring a home of our own. Our little apartment had fulfilled its purpose by providing us with a place to live after we were married, but it seemed to grow smaller everyday. It was time for more room. My sewing business alone had caused us to outgrow the apartment.

Last July we began tentatively looking at houses. We never actually scheduled any viewings a realtor, we just looked at houses online and a drove by one or two of them. We were more than a little overwhelmed at the prices of most of the houses. We didn’t want the Taj Mahal, we just wanted a little starter home.

  We discussed getting a larger apartment for the time being. We really needed the breathing room and more storage space. We contacted the apartment manager and she said just to let her know when we were ready and she would set everything up. We were going to have more room one way or another.

  The very next day at church, Bro. Bobby (one of my husband’s mentors growing up) came to him and told him about a house that had become available to buy. Bro. Bobby buys houses, fixes them up and sells them. Jacob has helped him with a few houses before and had asked Bro. Bobby before we were married if he would keep a look out for us a house that we could buy cheaply  and fix up.

  We went with Bro. Bobby after church to look at the house and we liked it. It needed a lot of work to get it how we wanted it, but we were excited and went into it expecting to do a lot. After we looked at it, he encouraged us to get pre-approved for a loan, so that even if this house didn’t work out, we wouldn’t have to start from square one again.

It just so happens that we have a home mortgage manager in our church and he offered to help us through the process and handle everything for us. We decided to go with an FHA renovation loan since the house needed so much work.

And so the fun began! We started looking at flooring, paint, trim, you-name-it. We wanted something that looked like wood for the floor in most of the house and found some nice laminate that was just what we had in mind.  I was finally going to get to paint my kitchen yellow and was thrilled because I’d found some antique-looking cast iron knobs and drawer pulls that looked just like my great-grandmother’s.  Jacob was going to build me a clothesline in the backyard so I could  start hanging out laundry again.

   After we started the loan approval process and were approved, our mortgage company sent us a contract for the house. We read through it and were very confused by most of it. We didn’t know what options we needed or even what most of it meant. We were suddenly very overwhelmed.

    Once again, the Lord provided the help we needed from another one of our church family. There is a lady in our church who is a realtor, in addition to buying houses, fixing them up and turning them into rental property with her husband. Jacob called her and asked if she could go through the contract with us and explain and show us what would best to do. She was happy to and was a great blessing to us. She further went on and offered to come look over the house with us. With she and her husband’s experience in buying houses, she had a good idea of what would and would not pass an inspection for the loan we were getting. Needless to say, we welcomed the help.

     A few days later she went with us and looked at the house. After a lengthy inspection, she told us that she didn’t think the foundation would pass muster, as it was cracked, and that most banks will not approve financing for a house with a damaged foundation. We knew it was cracked, but had planned fixing it as part of the renovations. We didn’t realize it would have to be fixed beforehand. The individual we’d be buying the house from was not willing to repair before it was sold.

  As we were leaving with slightly heavy hearts, she offered to take us by some property she and her husband owned that was almost ready to rent. She said that if we were interested, they would probably sell it to us. She went on to tell us some of the things they just done to the house, such as repairing the foundation and putting a brand new A/C unit in it.

     We figured it couldn’t hurt to go look so we followed her to house. On the way there Jacob and I talked about that at least now we were pre-approved and could go house-shopping. We decided that the first house—although it was a disappointment—was the Lord giving us the nudge we needed to get everything started.

  We arrived at the new house, walked in the front door and fell in love. Throughout the house were the original oak floors—they were gorgeous! We walked into the kitchen and were shocked by what we saw. They had just painted the walls yellow and the cabinets had the antique knobs and hinges that I’d wanted. Then, we looked out of the kitchen window into the nice-sized backyard and there stood a clothesline. Clotheslines are a rare find these days, especially in the city.

The living room was painted almost the exact color we’d picked out and many other details confirmed to us that this was going to be our home. Things that we had wanted to do in the first house were already completed in the second. We have stood back in awe at how the Lord has worked everything out for us.

We had to wait almost three months to begin closing as the house’s title needed to season, but we had that long to prepare and get the rest of the down payment together.

We love our new home! We have been in it almost a week and even though there are still boxes everywhere, it is already home to us. As I get more decorating done I’ll share pictures. The walls are pretty bare right now, as I was sick while we were moving and it is taking a little while to get my feet back under me.

Enjoying cooking the first meal in the new kitchen ;)Thanks to Jacob for the photo.

All things truly do work together for the good of those that love Him! (Romans 8:28)

Settling In

We said goodbye to our tiny first home this week. That little apartment held lots of sweet memories of our first year and a half together. It has been “home” to me to me for what seems like forever and I admit, it was strange seeing it completely empty again.

We are officially moved into our first house. There are boxes everywhere still, and despite my efforts to descriptively label each box’s contents, we are still looking for some of our things we need every day.

My kitchen is mostly set up, though there’s still lots to be put away. Boxes are making their way from the garage to the appropriate rooms. We’ve only been here three nights and I’m wondering if I will ever get everything put where it belongs.

We had lots of help from family and church friends. My mom and sisters came for two days and did so much. I don’t know what I would have done without them. My six year old sister said that her favorite part of helping someone move was getting to meddle in all their stuff.

Soon, I’ll share the story of how the Lord brought us to this house and worked everything out for us and showed us over and over that this was His will. As I get unpacked and start decorating I’ll share pictures.

Stay tuned for more!