Two Under Two—18 Days in and my 200th post

I have survived 18 days of having two children under the age of two. How am I doing? I’m exhausted, that’s how I’m doing. That whole “sleep when the baby sleeps!” thing doesn’t work when you have a toddler running around, pulling things out of cabinets and climbing on the kitchen table. She also has learned how to open screw-top lids and open doors in the last week and a half.
****Note: both of my children are asleep right now—WHAT AM I DOING WRITING A BLOG POST INSTEAD OF NAPPING?! What’s wrong with me?*****
The first 15 days weren’t so bad—I had my mom and then my sister staying with me to help. Three days ago when my mom came to take my sister home, she was highly amused at me clinging to the hem of her skirt begging “Don’t leave me!”
And what is really sad is that yesterday was really my first real day totally alone with the girls.  I texted my husband a little after lunch and let him know that all I’d really accomplished that day was changing diapers, nursing the baby, and pumping (I’m trying to keep a breast infection at bay right now). I felt I should give the poor fellow warning before he came home to the disaster area that used to be known as our home. He graciously replied, “It’s ok, sweetheart. Are you doing ok? Do I need to pick anything up from the store for you?” I married a very smart man…

We never know what our nights will hold. Princess Tiny still has her days and nights mixed up for the most part and we are trying to help her with that, but who knows what time she’ll decided to actually go to sleep each night. Swaddle blankets and a box fan for noise are helping, though, and we are trying to establish a routine.
Princess Littles—who is capable of sleeping through the night, but rarely does—is nearly as unpredictable as her baby sister.  Bedtimes are pretty easy, when she gets tired she wants her blanket and bed (Hello Linus!) but when she wakes during the night—sometimes two or three times—we never know what kind of mood she’ll be in and how long it will take to get her back down. Part of this is  because of all of the change in her little life in the last two weeks and she is in her own room now, but she has shown us that she can sleep all night—when she wants too.
My poor husband, who is not as used to sleep deprivation as I am, has been a real champ through it all. Because he does have to get up and go to work each day, I try to only wake him to help with the girls at night if I absolutely have to. About a week ago in the young marrieds’ class at our church, our pastors’ wife said something to the effect of “And you couples who are wanting to have children in the near future—“ “DON’T DO IT!” my husband weakly called out. Everyone got quite a laugh from it. She said “And that comes from the Daddy of a toddler and a newborn!”

It has been tough the last 18 days (mostly the nights), and it has really tested me and is letting me see what my true limits are and how very, very much I need the Lord and His grace and strength.  Is it worth it? Even sitting here needing coffee, exhausted as all get out, my immediate answer is “YES! A thousand times, yes.”
The rough nights and endless messes  are (almost!) forgotten when Livie comes and gives me a kiss just because and says “Love you.’' Or when she is so sweet with her baby sister and worries when she cries. There is nothing like sweet baby snuggles and smiles.
It all makes what little sleep we do get all the more precious. This is just a season, and one day I’ll miss the chaos and craziness that is our life right now.
So Happy Valentine’s Day—I’m off to make some more coffee. My kids are waking up.

Kate’s Birth Day

January 27^th, 2015—Tuesday

40 weeks, 4 days

I woke up Tuesday morning around 6:30 and got out of bed to kiss Jacob goodbye for work. When I stood up out of bed I felt a little gush. After he left, I went to the bathroom and there was a fair amount of blood in my panties. I got very excited—this was the most promising sign I'd had so far. I hadn't had any real signs or “exciting” contractions at all.

I'd had a fairly uneventful night, with maybe one contraction throughout the night. I hoped that this was a sign that I'd be in real labor by that evening and maybe holding our baby by Wednesday morning. My labor with Olivia was around 7 1/2-8 hours long, with intense, active labor being around 3 hours long.

I went back to bed and had a very good contraction at 7am. About 7-8 minutes later, I had another one. They didn't stop, but grew stronger and I couldn't fall back asleep or ignore them. I decided to time them—with Livie I would have good strong contractions for an hour, then they would stop. I did that all weekend the weekend that Livie was born. I was expecting more of the same. I put a shower curtain under the bottom sheet to protect my mattresss, just in case my water broke.

I'd sent Jacob several texts and he hadn't responded. When he had left for work, I didn't know what was about to the transpire. I waited a little while and timed some more contractions, then decided to call him and let him know what was going on. He was going to finish up a few things and then stop by the store for a few things I needed. Livie woke up in the midst of all of this, around 7:45.

I called my mom to give her a heads up that today might be the big day. The contractions were getting stronger, and she could tell over the phone. She asked me if I'd called Alice yet, and I said no, I was waiting a little longer just to be sure. I was afraid it was a false alarm. She said that no, I needed to call her immediately and let her know.

I called Miranda (Alice's daughter and other midwife in the practice) and told her all that had happened and what was going on, and she had me time the next four contractions and send her the information. She also wanted to know how quickly Jacob could get home and/or how quickly I could have someone with me to take care of Livie. I told her ten minutes at the most—my MIL hadn't left for work yet, and Jacob works 6 minutes away from the house.

After I'd timed the next four contractions she called me back and said for Jacob to come home immediately and that I needed to have a protein shake so I wouldn't be laboring on an empty stomach.

I called Jacob and told him he needed to come home right now and to ask his mom to go to the store for us before she came and picked up Livie.

By this point I was already having to start breathing through each contraction, they were growing noticeably stronger, and I couldn't get up out of the recliner.

When he got home he fixed me a protein shake (which I was only able to drink a few sips of) and I asked him to run some warm bath water for me. I was still in my pj's and hadn't had a chance to change into the gown I wanted to wear for the birth and hadn't had a chance to fix my hair.

Miranda texted me and let me know that Alice was getting ready to leave.

He helped me move to the bed and started getting things ready to set up the pool I'd bought to labor in. After I got in bed, I seemed to lose all sense of time, so I'm not sure exactly time-wise when things began to happen.

My mom got to our house first and began to help Jacob get things in order. Shortly after, my mother-in-law arrived and started getting Livie (who was still in her pj's too) ready to leave.

Jacob asked me several times if I wanted him to get the pool ready. By this point, I didn't think I could move and didn't think that we had time to fill the pool before I had the baby.

Alice called Jacob several times to verify directions to our house and let us know where she was.

About 15 minutes before Alice got to our house, I felt Kate's head move down. This freaked me out, to be honest. With Livie's birth, once I felt that, I was pushing with the next contraction. I was afraid that Alice wouldn't make it in time. I told Jacob and he assured me that she would be here in time.

My water still hadn't broken at this point. With Livie, it broke almost three hours before she was born. I started wondering if the contractions really weren't as bad as I thought and I was just being a wimp. I was afraid that Alice would check me and I would still have quite a bit left to dilate. Truthfully I didn't think I was in enough pain yet.

She finally came walking into my bedroom right around 10am. She checked me and I was at an 8! I was so excited. She said we would have a baby within the hour. In between contractions, I told Jacob to call my friend Casey who was going to be at the birth and tell her if she was going to make it in time, she'd better hurry. She later told me she made it to our house in 4 minutes.

Shortly after Casey arrived, Alice told me that if I wanted to push with the next contraction, she could help me finish dilating and speed things up. The next contraction I said “Ok” and pushed.

With Livie, I pushed a few times in the bathtub, then moved to the bed and pushed a few times on my back, then she had me move to the floor and squat. I expected to do the same with this birth, but Alice never had me move.

After several good pushes, I suddenly felt very nauseous. I vomited a few times with my first birth, so we were prepared for it, and had a bowl beside the bed. I knew I was about to throw up and I asked for the bowl, but my voice was so weak and quiet from pushing no one heard me until it was too late. I was flat on my back and vomit went everywhere thankfully it was mostly only liquid since I hadn't really eaten anything in the last several hours. It got all in my hair and all over my pillows. Alice exclaimed “Oh no! Not in her hair!” (My hair is to my knees and it is a major ordeal to wash it—not something you want to have to do immediately after giving birth.)

One or two contractions/pushes later, my water broke at 10:47am. Thirteen minutes later, Katelynn was born into my husband's hands—mad and screaming at the top of her lungs. She was not pleased with being forced outside.

From the very first contraction until she was born was only four hours. No warning or “early” labor—I woke up in active labor. It was very surprising to me and nothing at all like I'd expected. Because my water didn't break until right before Kate was born, the contractions were much more manageable and not as painful as with my first birth. Also, with Kate's birth I never really felt the urge to push like I did with Olivia. And I didn't feel like a screaming banshee this time either ;)

I had no tearing, which has made my recovery so much better and easier this time around and I felt so wonderful so fast afterwards I couldn't believe it.

Katelynn Avery weighed 8 lbs, 4 oz, and was 21 ½ inches long. Her head was 13 ½ inches around—just like her big sister's.

She was born on my great-grandmother's birthday—which was exactly what I had hoped and prayed for. The weather was beautiful and perfect and warm—another answered prayer. She was born during the day, making it easier on her big sister—no overnight stay away from us—she just went to play at Grammy's house and came home to a new baby. This was another answered prayer.

All in all, except for the vomit, I couldn't have asked for a better or more perfect birth. The second was much easier than the first! We are so thankful!

Fall is here!!!!!! Well, sort of…

We’ve been given a glimmer of hope the last few mornings—the weather has been lovely and cool. The summer heat can’t last forever, we’ve had a promise and a taste of cooler weather and I CAN’T WAIT!!!!!!

Fall is my very most favorite time of year. Hands down. The cooler, less humid weather makes me want to clean and organize everything, sew and craft like crazy, and redecorate every room in the house. Some of that might just be a bit of early nesting starting up. The challenge for me is not getting a dozen projects strung out and unfinished before exhaustion sets in…I’m still working on keeping things balanced and knowing my limits.

I love to open all of the windows in the house and air out all of the stuffiness that has built up during the summer months. I feel like I can clean the best when the windows are open.

Ok, so fall makes me feel like Wonderwoman. I may not be her, but it makes me feel like her ;)

Another reason I love fall is that is the only time of the year I can get my favorite candle—Candied Caramel Pecan by Better Homes and Gardens. HEAVEN in a jar. It makes the house smell amazing.  The only downside to it is that it gets my husband’s hopes up and he thinks I’ve been baking.

Also in the latest breaking news for our little family:

It’s a little sister!!!!! We are being blessed with another princess and we can’t wait to meet our Katelynn Avery. I’m thrilled that the girls will be so close in age, they will always have a best friend and tea party buddy.

Well, I have to get back to the real world and laundry. I can’t prolong my break any more, lest Mt. Washmore grows any larger. I am convinced that the laundry multiplies whilst my back is turned.

Back again…

You know those days (or weeks, or months) when time seems to speed by and you forget about or are too busy for non-essential activities (like writing blog posts)? I’ve been in one of those seasons it feels for quite a while. My life has been full of lots of excitement and surprises over the last few months. But I’m back, at least for right now.

Our Livie is 14 months old now. I can’t believe our baby is becoming so grown up. She can walk, but is very choosy about when she does. She has an ever growing vocabulary and is constantly keeping us on our toes and entertained. Livie is handling being weaned much better than I thought she would and hopefully she will be completely weaned by the end of the month. It has been a very sweet time for us nursing, but it’s time move on.

Why? Because….

Yep, our little family is growing again! Peanut is expected at the end of January. At the end of this month we should find out if we are getting another Princess or if Daddy is getting his Hunting Buddy. This baby was *quite* a surprise, but we are so excited about it. I never thought I’d have two under the age of two!

Morning sickness with a tiny toddler was a challenge I wasn’t looking forward to, but I survived. In the midst of it we dealt with a nightmarish stomach virus (Jacob and I) and Livie has been battling terrible sinus drainage. Thankfully we had help and made it through. It is times like these that make me realize just how much I need the Lord’s help, and make me call out to Him even more.

Now I’m trying to get back into a routine. I didn’t cook much at all during those crazy weeks of morning sickness and everything else so I’ve been trying to cook and eat at home more. I’ve really had trouble getting back on my feet this time. Our little Tornado makes housekeeping a challenge, to say the least. Some days I’m just thankful that my husband has clean clothes for work the next day.

I’m getting there, and with the Lord’s help, things will even out soon ;)

Playing Dress-up

Livie and I have been playing dress-up this week. I pulled out my baby clothes from my hope chest and have been wondering how I was ever that small. I thought I’d share some of the cuteness with y’all.

This dress and the following one were made for me by my great-great Aunt Lillian. She also made the Dutch doll quilt that Livie is lying on.

The next two dresses were bought for me by my father. When my mother was expecting me, the ultrasound was misread and they thought I was a boy! They only took boy clothes to the hospital. They got the surprise of their lives and Daddy had to buy some dresses for me to go home in.

“What’s a hospital, Mama?”

“You mean all babies aren’t born at home like me?”

Olivia’s Birth Day

Six weeks later, all of the details of Livie’s birth are a little fuzzy. What all of the women say is true—you do forget how things felt and all you remember is how wonderful it was to hold your baby at last. I’m glad I wrote some things down. My favorite version of her  birth story is the one that my husband tells—he makes me sound like Superwoman. ;)

Finally, after months of waiting, and holding our breath to see if we would be able to attend a wedding shortly before the baby was due, the weekend of her due date arrived. We’d been on pins and needles as I’d been having lots of Braxton and Hicks contractions for the two preceding weeks.

Jacob and I at the wedding—38 weeks and ready to pop!

Saturday, June 15th:  Early in the morning I had a good contraction that woke me up. I made myself go back to sleep. I knew I’d need rest if this was the real deal.   Around 8 AM I was still having consistent contractions so I woke Jacob and called my midwife. She said she would come and check on me and re-verified directions to our home. I called my mom to let her know and she said to let her know what Alice said. With lots of little ones at home I didn’t want Mom to make the hour and a half drive for a false alarm.

Waiting for Alice to get there—my last pregnant photo.

My house was a wreck, and I needed to buy groceries. I had planned to take care of everything that day, but now was afraid I wouldn’t be able to. Jacob called his parents and my mother-in-law came in like a whirlwind and cleaned and my father-in-law took my list and went shopping.

Once again, my contractions followed their pattern from the previous two weeks: consistent, closer together and stronger, then suddenly stop or space way out after an hour—almost to the minute.  By the time Alice arrived at my house, they had stopped. She checked me and I was at  4cm, which was two more than I had been at my appointment earlier that week. So they weren’t in vain. Alice said that every centimeter I could dilate before I went into active labor was one less that I’d  have to work for later.

She stayed for an hour and told me to get lots of rest and that she’d probably see me soon. So we did. And I got bored.  I didn’t have another contraction (not even a little one) for hours. We rested most of the day and my in-laws came over again that afternoon. For some reason I started craving steak. We didn’t know what tomorrow (which was Father’s Day) would hold, so my father-in-law suggested we celebrate that evening and go out if I felt like it. I said that that was fine, so long as we ate steak.  Yes, a heavy steak is the ideal meal to eat when you could go into labor at any minute. What was I thinking?

We had a great time and I had about an hour’s worth of good contractions that I ignored.  We came home, played a few games of dominoes, and went to bed.  I had already said that I was not going to church the next morning, I knew I needed to rest. And what could be more embarrassing than having your water break at church, right?

Sunday, June 16th: We slept in and I woke up feeling really good. Then I remembered that I still hadn’t bought sheets for the twin size bed that my mom was going to sleep on when she stayed with us. We only had queen sized sheets. Before I started panicking about my mother having a place to sleep Jacob said we’d just go to the store and get some and pick up some things for supper. He was in the mood to cook. And we both thought the walk would do me some good.

We went to the store and made it home without anything exciting happening and I took another nap. Jacob was really hoping that the baby would be born on Father’s Day—that would have been the ultimate Father’s Day gift.

Jacob fixed an amazing supper—pork roast, green bean casserole, potatoes, carrots—another huge, heavy meal. But it was so good!

We played dominoes again and around 6PM strong contractions began again. I started timing them, but expected them to follow the pattern again and stop in an hour. They didn’t, and I began having trouble concentrating on the game when I would have one. Jacob found it highly amusing ;)

At 11PM, contractions were still happening and they were closer together and beginning to take my breathe away. I sent Alice a text and she said she was headed our way. She got to our house at 11:30 and I called Mom to let her know that Alice was coming again. Alice checked me and I had dilated any more, but my bag of waters was very bulgy and I was really in labor this time!

I called my mom again and let her know that this was the real deal and she said she was about to leave.

Alice encouraged me to try and sleep as much as I could. We all rested for a while. I didn’t sleep much, but I tried to between contractions. Jacob slept soundly.

Monday, June 17th:  At 2AM my water broke. It was the weirdest feeling ever and it actually made me jump, and that woke Jacob up. I told Alice, “My water just broke! How could anyone ‘think’ their water broke? I felt it!” We all laughed a little bit and then the next contraction hit me. It hit me so hard that after it was over I vomited. It was crazy how much of a difference there was between the contractions before my water broke and afterwards.

My mom arrived right after that.  Not too long after that I needed a bathroom break so I went. I had another awful (good) contraction and threw up everywhere again. I think all of the vomit overwhelmed my poor husband. I told him, “Don’t worry about it, Mama will take care of it.” Having her there was such a help and I was able to relax and not worry about things.

The rest of the time is pretty fuzzy in my memory. My husband was such a trooper. He literally held me through every contraction and sacrificed his hands to I could have something to hold onto. He jokingly said that he hoped we could both still play our instruments when it was all over and he had no idea I had such a strong grip.

Around 4AM I asked to get in the bathtub. I didn’t know how much longer I would be in labor and I wanted something to help me relax and rest as much as possible. The warm water felt so good! It didn’t help me much with the pain of the contractions, but it made the rests in between wonderful. Alice checked me and told me it was almost time to push. I couldn’t believe it. She went to gather up things and get things ready and told me when I felt the baby to let her know. Two contractions later I felt the baby. I couldn’t believe it—I actually FELT the baby. She told me I could push whenever I wanted to, and how to push. I tried several pushes in the tub, but I couldn’t get comfortable so she suggested I move back to the bed.

The bed was much more comfortable and  I felt like I was able to push better there.  After a few pushes Alice had me squat because the baby needed a little more help to finish being born. Once I squatted things got so intense. I just though they were intense before! One thing that is crazy to me is that in between contractions and pushing I felt like I could go to sleep. I actually asked for a break and she told me “No, the baby’s head is right there, you’re about to crown.”

Once she saw Livie’s head, she had Jacob look and he said, “She has dark hair! I can see her hair!” They looked a few couple more times and I remember thinking “Stop looking and help me get her out!” Jacob told me, “Sweetheart, she’s so close, only about another inch!”

I was getting to the point where I was exhausted and didn’t think I could go on and Alice told me to reach down and feel of my baby. When I felt and realized how close she was, that gave me the extra boost I needed to finish having her.

When they say “ring of fire” they mean it!

Her head was born and the cord was around her neck. Alice took care of it and the next push Jacob caught our little girl. She was beautiful and worth everything.

She was born at 4:50 AM after right at 3 hours of active labor, and one day before her due date.

 

Daddy cutting the cord.

Olivia Grace~7lbs 12oz, 19 3/4 inches

Livie love!!!

Our little Livie is already a month old! Time is flying by so fast. Here are a few pictures from her first month. Her homebirth story is on its way ;)

Daddy getting his first good look at his Princess.

Our new little family.

Adoring little aunts.

Me, my Daddy and Livie.

Baby Shower Number 1

After this photo was taken MORE gifts showed up—this is just a fraction of what we received.
Two weeks ago the ladies in our church gave us a FABULOUS baby shower for Olivia Grace. This was the baby girl shower in a long stretch of baby boys that have been born in our church over the last year, and I think the ladies were excited about buying pink ruffles and frills.
My mom, sisters and one of my grandmothers were able to come in to town and be with me for the shower—I enjoyed getting to have them with me. Olivia’s aunties enjoyed the shower and were very interested to see what all she would get.
Here are a few photos from the evening, taken by Wendi:



The ladies did an amazing job with the food and decorations and my dear friend Kristin from In Mother Words, made my delicious and lovely cake.
I’m *quite* pregnant feeling now, and by looking at me there is no doubt that there is a bun in the oven, not just too many extra donuts.
We are at almost 30 weeks and it is so exciting to see the number of weeks until I get to hold my girl in my arms grow smaller.
In amongst all of the baby fun, I am working on projects for not one, but THREE wedding this summer. They are a monthly occurrence (literally!) beginning in June and ending in August. Two miniature brides dresses, a mother of the bride dress, a bridesmaid dress and for the wedding in August I’m altering and modestifying ;) the bride’s gown. Most of these will be completed by the end of May. Needless to say, I’ve been busy and will be for the next several weeks.
I’m thankful for all of the busyness, as it will help the time till Olivia gets here go by fast. I’m so ready to meet my baby girl!

24 weeks—an update

Yesterday was the 24 week mark—now we have more behind us than in front of us and it won’t be too much longer before we are holding our little princess in our arms. I cannot wait to meet her! Between the little girls at church and my baby cousin we got to see yesterday, our arms are aching to hold our Livie and see who she looks like.

Olivia has introduced me to several new things over the last few weeks: sciatic nerve pain, heartburn, feeling like a beached whale, waddling occasionally, and NESTING. Nesting hit me full force last week and I was ready to repaint and redecorate everything. Suddenly I urgently want to get things done before the baby gets here. Some of my projects amuse Jacob and some of them make him cringe—like wanting to repaint the bedroom and make a new headboard and build the co-sleeper and get the flowerbeds ready….

I love feeling her move and kick all day. She is so active and now her movement are starting to be more than just kicks and flutters. She makes my belly move so much that we can see it and sometimes it feels like she is gently patting me from the inside. I love it! I never knew it would be this much fun <3

My belly is ever-expanding, but I can still see my feet! Adjusting my wardrobe has been, well, let’s say it’s been a learning experience. I’m finally starting to break down and make some maternity clothes. I’ve bought a few outfits but it is getting hard to find what I want and like. I’m currently working on a pattern for a knit top. It might be finished by this weekend, but who knows? ;)

Gifts have started arriving in little spurts for our girl. Sweet little dresses and shoes are hanging in the guest bedroom closet next to her Daddy’s work shirts. I started a smocked dress for her last week. All the smocking needs to  be finished is a few little purple flowers around the wreath.

After all this time of making little dresses for other little girls, I’m finally making pretty stuff for my own angel ;)

Olivia loves to listen to her Daddy’s voice—she gets very hyper when he talks to her. She also LOVES church. When I play the organ or piano she moves and jumps so much that it threw me off and made me lose my place a few times until I got used to it. This last weekend I was listening to a song that our choir is learning and as soon as I turned it on she started acting like she was at church. So far the only kind of music that she really responds to is black gospel and some classical. The black gospel is understandable since we are at church a lot ;) This song always gets a reaction from her—it is the new one that our choir learned:

I’ll close with that. I’ve got to play catch-up today after our long weekend and anniversary service for our church. Laundry is taunting me and it needs attention.

Hope you have a great week!

Sugar and Spice

We have pink in our future! It’s time to start making bows and frilly dresses ;) I can’t wait for our Olivia Grace to get here!

Fears and Doubts

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. – II Timothy 1:7 KJV

For all the promises of God in him are yea, and in him Amen, unto the glory of God by us. –II Corinthians 1:20 KJV

Fears and doubts creep into the corners of our minds, often unnoticed. They start so small that we often don’t realize they are there until they have such a grip on our hearts and minds that we are paralyzed. They begin to slowly eat away at our confidence in our Creator until we begin to question His promises and doubt His word. We can be so immobilized by our fears that we are unable to obey the Lord when He calls us.

  The enemy knows our weaknesses. That has been established since Eden when Satan tempted Eve and asked her “Hath God  said?” (Genesis 3:1). He knows our weaknesses and he exploits them as much as he can. Our weaknesses in the flesh can make us doubt God. The enemy will use the things or hopes dearest to our hearts to cause doubts and fears to take root.

Most of the time, once we realize that we are overtaken by fears and doubts, repent and conquer them, we realize how silly and unfounded our fears were.

My own battle with doubts and fears was a hard one.  From my childhood, I have always wanted children of my own. I have always loved children and caring for them and little people hold a special place in my heart. There would be a literal ache in my arms and heart for children—even before I was married. I would cry out the Lord and ask for children.

When I was in my teens, on several occasions different ministers or people with influence in my life would come to me—out of the blue—and tell me that I would be a mother and that God would give me the desires of my heart.  Oh I would rejoice and get so excited and praise the Lord for His promises to me. I was ecstatic! The Lord was going to give me the desires of my heart! I had received confirmation from many witnesses and now I was breathlessly awaiting the day that it would happen.

  About this time the Lord laid on my heart a heavy burden for ladies who are unable to have children or have suffered miscarriages and loss of children. I ached for their empty arms, and when I heard their stories my heart broke for them and many times I shed tears for them as I called out their names in prayer, asking the Lord to give them a baby.

  Then one day when I was about 20, out of nowhere, came a nagging little voice, “What if you can’t have children?” It stopped me dead in my tracks. I scoffed at it. “That is ridiculous” I said. I laughed because I had been given a promise of children and it had been confirmed many times over. Fertility had never been a problem in our family—on either side. I shook the voice off and went on my way.

It was a while before I heard it again. “What if you can’t have children?” I went through the same thoughts as I had the first time—remembering the promises of God, reminding myself of the confirmations I’d been given, and it went away. But it came back. Over and over and over and over again like a song you can’t get out of your head, until one day I asked that question. “What if I can’t have children?” I opened the door wide and let fears and doubts stroll in and take up residence in my heart.

  It didn’t happen overnight. It was a slow, gradual process—like water slowly cutting through a rock.  There would be times that I would stand up to that fear and doubt and say, “No! God has promised me children. He cannot lie.” The fear would calmly answer back, “Did He specifically say actual children of your own? Or did He mean spiritual children?” “And why did He give you such a burden for barren women? What if you are one of them?”

I never told anyone about the battle I was in.

  I forgot about it for awhile and got caught in the realization of another of my dearest desires—being loved by and marrying a Godly man. The fears and doubts were pushed to a dark corner while I basked in the light of new love and a new chapter in my life. The future was bright!

After a little break, the fears surfaced again. I fought hard this time. The Lord had given me a husband, and He would give me children.  The fear and doubt agreed with me, “Yes, He gave you a husband, but barren women have husbands too. What if you can’t have children?”

  This fear was further fed by the fact that I was on hormonal birth control. We’d decided to use birth control for several reasons for a little while after we got married. It wasn’t a long term decision, it was only temporary, but it fed my fears. I knew going into it that it was not good for me, but I wasn’t going to be on it for very long, so the good side of it outweighed the bad.

Finally the time came when we’d been married about 18 months, we’d been praying asking the Lord when the right time for us to start a family was and I stopped taking birth control. I’d been told that it could take anywhere from 1 month to a year to get pregnant after being on birth control and we were prepared for that possibility.

I began asking the Lord for a baby, ignoring the fears and claiming the promises He’d given me. About three weeks after I stopped taking the pill, we were at church and towards the end of service we were gathered around the altars praying. I don’t remember what I was praying about, but out of nowhere a Voice told me, “You will not be alone for long. I am going to give you a baby.” I began to cry and thank the Lord for letting me know that He had heard my prayers. As further confirmation, a few minutes later, the minister said from the pulpit, “Rejoice, the Lord has heard your prayers and your promise is on its way.” When we left church, I excitedly told Jacob what had happened. He was very happy.

A week later, I started. The fears tried to creep up, but this time I would have none of it. I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord was going to fulfill His promise to me. I decided that it didn’t matter if it took a whole year for us to conceive, I was going to rejoice and thank God for my baby and know that every month that went by and I wasn’t pregnant, was one month closer to my womb being filled.

A month later, I found out that I was pregnant. After seeing the positive result on the test I wept and praised the Lord for nearly an hour. He had kept His promises to me and was giving me a baby.

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. –Proverbs 13:12 KJV

And here we are in 2013!

      The holidays are over and we are getting back into a more normal routine. My husband went back to work yesterday and after having him all to myself for two 4-day weekends in a row, I’m feeling a little lost and not sure what to do with myself.

   I’ve been busy decorating and put up curtains last week with Jacob’s help. We’ve been married almost two years and I finally hung our first set of curtains. When we lived in the apartment I never found anything I liked (pre-made curtains or fabric) so I just didn’t do curtains. In our new house however, that would not be acceptable. I finally found some that I liked at Hobby Lobby for the living room and I’m working on one room at a time.

I still need to get some sheer panels to go behind the curtains and you can see the Christmas tree, bare and waiting to be taken down, on the left side ;)

While I’ve been getting “my spaces” how I want them, Jacob has been doing the same with his domain—the garage. He took advantage of the four day weekends he had during the holidays to work in his garage and build a work bench. I took a few photos, but didn’t get one of the end result.

The first thing he did was build a work bench. He enjoyed himself so much that he didn’t come to bed until the wee hours of the morning.

He finally has a place to do all of the carpentry projects he’s been missing the last two years. I’m hoping for some bookshelves now ;)

In baby news: Morning sickness hasn’t reared its ugly head in almost a month. Thank the Lord for helping me to survive until the second trimester! I was able to enjoy the holidays to the fullest. I am enjoying getting things done again, though I do tire easily and have to take breaks often.

Three weeks ago I felt the first little kick and everyday since then, Little Bit has been letting me know that it’s really in there! It is a very active little person with it’s favorite playtime hours being right when I’m trying to go to sleep. Jacob still hasn’t felt the baby kick yet but hopefully he will soon.

In a few weeks we’ll find out if our firstborn is a boy or girl. I can’t wait to find out so we can stop calling the baby “It” and start calling it by its name. Despite the many predictions that I would have twins, there is only one baby in there ;) I’ve seen for myself.

The 14 1/2 week bump photo. Jacob caught me off guard and talking. We were on yet another trip to Lowe’s for stuff for the garage.

This year is going to be our biggest yet and full of changes. I can’t wait to see what all the Lord has in store for 2013!

Overwhelmed

Morning sickness has hit me hard. It is actually all day sickness and no amount of crackers or protein or you-name-it will make it go away. Wearing Seabands has helped some, but most days it doesn’t matter. I’ve been spending a lot of time in bed or on the couch, looking at my bare walls that need decorating and house that needs cleaning. It is hard not to get really blue and have a pity party about it. There is a wonderful little reason that I going through all of this, and I am SO blessed to be a homemaker so that I can be at home during this time of nausea instead of having to go to work and suffer like many of my friends have.

Feeling overwhelmed has been my state of mind over the last several weeks. I have so many things that I’d like to get accomplished and things that desperately need to be done. Sadly however, most days I’m glad if I can get up and be dressed and have a few things done before my husband comes home. I’ve been sick a lot over the last several weeks and I tire easily. I feel like I am barely getting by, struggling to keep up running our home and all the things that go with it. I have felt like I’ve been neglecting my husband, he’s had to fend for himself and care for me so much lately. This a hard place for someone who likes to take care of everything herself to be in.

  Having just moved into our new home, it makes me even more eager to get things how I want them. I was battling with morning/all day sickness while we were moving so only the bare essentials were unpacked.

Jacob has been such a trooper through all of this and I know he is looking forward to the end of the first trimester as much as I am. He has taken such good care of me and treated me like a queen and looked past all of the unfinished, untidy things around the house. I am very blessed to have him.

My mother has come to see me a few times and made me sit while she cleaned my house and cooked for me. That was such a blessing to me and to Jacob—I didn’t want her to leave! ;)

It is days (and weeks) like these that make me remember I can’t do it alone, that I must draw my strength from Him. I cling to verses like the ones below and encourage myself that this will pass and soon I’ll have a clean house again and eventually a baby in my arms and it will be all worth it.

Matthew11:28 (KJV)

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Psalm 61:1-2 (KJV)

Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Tiny Packages

It has been said that the best gifts come in tiny packages—engagement rings, house keys, etc. The quality of the gift is not in the size or quantity. Tiny packages often hold the biggest surprises and change your life the most.

Next June we will be welcoming a tiny gift into our home and our names will change to Mama and Daddy. Glory to God!

A Miracle Baby

 

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. – Psalm 113:9 KJV

  Babies are very, very dear to my heart. My heart aches for women who are unable to have children, or who have lost children. I think of Hannah in the book of I Samuel and ask the Lord to give the ladies with empty arms a baby, as He did Hannah. He did it for her and He can do it for them. I wanted to share this story of an aching heart and empty arms that were filled.

We have some dear friends from our church who are missionaries to the country of Honduras. They are a wonderful couple in their early thirties. Last Sunday while they were home for a visit, they shared some of what the Lord has been doing for them and their ministry. They also shared some very exciting news about the wife.

Five years ago, she was  diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and endometriosis and told that she would never be able to have children. So they began to look into adoption.

  At the beginning of this year she felt impressed that the Lord was going to give her a miracle. She had been sitting in her rocking chair, praying and reading her Bible and got up to open the front door and the Lord spoke to her and told her that He was going to give her a miracle.  She felt that the miracle was a baby.

   Earlier this summer, a baby became available for them. They were so excited and shortly before the baby was born came back to the States to get the things they would need. Sadly, the baby was born and did not survive. Two weeks later, they learned of another baby that was available, but that adoption fell through as well.  She told me that they decided to take a break for a little while—the emotional roller coaster they’d been on for the last month was almost more than she could bear and her heart was breaking.

Two or so weeks after the second failed adoption, she got very ill. She thought she had a parasite and was going to take a pill for it, but something quickened her and she thought, “I’d better take a pregnancy test just to be safe.” She did and she was pregnant!

When she had the first ultrasound and they got to see the baby for the first time, she asked the doctor to show her all of the cysts and endometriosis that she had. He looked at her a little strangely and said, “I don’t know what you are talking about. The only thing there is a baby.”

Not only did the Lord give them a miracle baby, He completely healed and restored her womb.

They are expecting a healthy, perfect baby boy next spring. To God be the Glory!

Mother’s Day

  We had a wonderful Mother’s Day on Sunday. We were blessed to be able  to spend it with both moms at the same time and all of the extended family. My parents hosted a crawfish boil Sunday evening and family and in-laws on both sides came in for it. We have been so blessed that all of the in-laws on all sides get along and enjoy being together. It makes things so much easier and so much fun.

  Sunday morning we surprised Mama by showing up to go to church with her. She thought we were going to be at our church and drive out as service was over. That was very fun surprising her and it was so good to see everyone at my home church.

My Dad preached an awesome lesson from Proverbs 31. I enjoyed it so and was fed by it.

Here are a few photos from our day. Hope you enjoy!

Me and my wonderful Superwoman Mama.

Daddy, Lydia and Jacob starting to set things up. Lyddie couldn’t find her shoes so she just grabbed Wendi’s.

Almost time to put the crawfish in!

 

My grandparents and a little cousin. He’s going to be a big brother in a few weeks. We are all so excited.

We have always used this huge cast iron pot for crawfish. It was my great-grandmother’s wash pot. It is so heavy it takes two men to move it.

Time to eat!

Later that evening Jacob, Faith and I went to check our cows. One of our heifers had a calf the night before and I wanted to see it. Faith loves to see the cows. She usually falls asleep before sh gets back home. Sunday evening was no different.