Fears and Doubts

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. – II Timothy 1:7 KJV

For all the promises of God in him are yea, and in him Amen, unto the glory of God by us. –II Corinthians 1:20 KJV

Fears and doubts creep into the corners of our minds, often unnoticed. They start so small that we often don’t realize they are there until they have such a grip on our hearts and minds that we are paralyzed. They begin to slowly eat away at our confidence in our Creator until we begin to question His promises and doubt His word. We can be so immobilized by our fears that we are unable to obey the Lord when He calls us.

  The enemy knows our weaknesses. That has been established since Eden when Satan tempted Eve and asked her “Hath God  said?” (Genesis 3:1). He knows our weaknesses and he exploits them as much as he can. Our weaknesses in the flesh can make us doubt God. The enemy will use the things or hopes dearest to our hearts to cause doubts and fears to take root.

Most of the time, once we realize that we are overtaken by fears and doubts, repent and conquer them, we realize how silly and unfounded our fears were.

My own battle with doubts and fears was a hard one.  From my childhood, I have always wanted children of my own. I have always loved children and caring for them and little people hold a special place in my heart. There would be a literal ache in my arms and heart for children—even before I was married. I would cry out the Lord and ask for children.

When I was in my teens, on several occasions different ministers or people with influence in my life would come to me—out of the blue—and tell me that I would be a mother and that God would give me the desires of my heart.  Oh I would rejoice and get so excited and praise the Lord for His promises to me. I was ecstatic! The Lord was going to give me the desires of my heart! I had received confirmation from many witnesses and now I was breathlessly awaiting the day that it would happen.

  About this time the Lord laid on my heart a heavy burden for ladies who are unable to have children or have suffered miscarriages and loss of children. I ached for their empty arms, and when I heard their stories my heart broke for them and many times I shed tears for them as I called out their names in prayer, asking the Lord to give them a baby.

  Then one day when I was about 20, out of nowhere, came a nagging little voice, “What if you can’t have children?” It stopped me dead in my tracks. I scoffed at it. “That is ridiculous” I said. I laughed because I had been given a promise of children and it had been confirmed many times over. Fertility had never been a problem in our family—on either side. I shook the voice off and went on my way.

It was a while before I heard it again. “What if you can’t have children?” I went through the same thoughts as I had the first time—remembering the promises of God, reminding myself of the confirmations I’d been given, and it went away. But it came back. Over and over and over and over again like a song you can’t get out of your head, until one day I asked that question. “What if I can’t have children?” I opened the door wide and let fears and doubts stroll in and take up residence in my heart.

  It didn’t happen overnight. It was a slow, gradual process—like water slowly cutting through a rock.  There would be times that I would stand up to that fear and doubt and say, “No! God has promised me children. He cannot lie.” The fear would calmly answer back, “Did He specifically say actual children of your own? Or did He mean spiritual children?” “And why did He give you such a burden for barren women? What if you are one of them?”

I never told anyone about the battle I was in.

  I forgot about it for awhile and got caught in the realization of another of my dearest desires—being loved by and marrying a Godly man. The fears and doubts were pushed to a dark corner while I basked in the light of new love and a new chapter in my life. The future was bright!

After a little break, the fears surfaced again. I fought hard this time. The Lord had given me a husband, and He would give me children.  The fear and doubt agreed with me, “Yes, He gave you a husband, but barren women have husbands too. What if you can’t have children?”

  This fear was further fed by the fact that I was on hormonal birth control. We’d decided to use birth control for several reasons for a little while after we got married. It wasn’t a long term decision, it was only temporary, but it fed my fears. I knew going into it that it was not good for me, but I wasn’t going to be on it for very long, so the good side of it outweighed the bad.

Finally the time came when we’d been married about 18 months, we’d been praying asking the Lord when the right time for us to start a family was and I stopped taking birth control. I’d been told that it could take anywhere from 1 month to a year to get pregnant after being on birth control and we were prepared for that possibility.

I began asking the Lord for a baby, ignoring the fears and claiming the promises He’d given me. About three weeks after I stopped taking the pill, we were at church and towards the end of service we were gathered around the altars praying. I don’t remember what I was praying about, but out of nowhere a Voice told me, “You will not be alone for long. I am going to give you a baby.” I began to cry and thank the Lord for letting me know that He had heard my prayers. As further confirmation, a few minutes later, the minister said from the pulpit, “Rejoice, the Lord has heard your prayers and your promise is on its way.” When we left church, I excitedly told Jacob what had happened. He was very happy.

A week later, I started. The fears tried to creep up, but this time I would have none of it. I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord was going to fulfill His promise to me. I decided that it didn’t matter if it took a whole year for us to conceive, I was going to rejoice and thank God for my baby and know that every month that went by and I wasn’t pregnant, was one month closer to my womb being filled.

A month later, I found out that I was pregnant. After seeing the positive result on the test I wept and praised the Lord for nearly an hour. He had kept His promises to me and was giving me a baby.

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. –Proverbs 13:12 KJV

A Miracle Baby

 

He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD. – Psalm 113:9 KJV

  Babies are very, very dear to my heart. My heart aches for women who are unable to have children, or who have lost children. I think of Hannah in the book of I Samuel and ask the Lord to give the ladies with empty arms a baby, as He did Hannah. He did it for her and He can do it for them. I wanted to share this story of an aching heart and empty arms that were filled.

We have some dear friends from our church who are missionaries to the country of Honduras. They are a wonderful couple in their early thirties. Last Sunday while they were home for a visit, they shared some of what the Lord has been doing for them and their ministry. They also shared some very exciting news about the wife.

Five years ago, she was  diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and endometriosis and told that she would never be able to have children. So they began to look into adoption.

  At the beginning of this year she felt impressed that the Lord was going to give her a miracle. She had been sitting in her rocking chair, praying and reading her Bible and got up to open the front door and the Lord spoke to her and told her that He was going to give her a miracle.  She felt that the miracle was a baby.

   Earlier this summer, a baby became available for them. They were so excited and shortly before the baby was born came back to the States to get the things they would need. Sadly, the baby was born and did not survive. Two weeks later, they learned of another baby that was available, but that adoption fell through as well.  She told me that they decided to take a break for a little while—the emotional roller coaster they’d been on for the last month was almost more than she could bear and her heart was breaking.

Two or so weeks after the second failed adoption, she got very ill. She thought she had a parasite and was going to take a pill for it, but something quickened her and she thought, “I’d better take a pregnancy test just to be safe.” She did and she was pregnant!

When she had the first ultrasound and they got to see the baby for the first time, she asked the doctor to show her all of the cysts and endometriosis that she had. He looked at her a little strangely and said, “I don’t know what you are talking about. The only thing there is a baby.”

Not only did the Lord give them a miracle baby, He completely healed and restored her womb.

They are expecting a healthy, perfect baby boy next spring. To God be the Glory!

My Hero and my Healing

It’s been a busy several days since I’ve been here. My days seem to be getting too short—I need to start getting up earlier ;) The Lord is blessing my sewing business so much, I am in awe of all of the business coming my way.

   Things have been busy at church lately. We are in the middle of a 5 week study on holiness—more on that in another post. We had a youth conference at our church and spent two weeks preparing the music and getting ready for it. We had over 430 people attend, which was around four times what was expected and projected for it.  It was wonderful and the Lord was there.   Now our choir is in the middle of preparing to go to another conference to sing—lots of practices and excitement.

   Last Sunday afternoon I had a moment where I was proud to bursting and terrified at the same time. While at my parents’ last weekend I somehow pulled a muscle in my back and it hurt to move. Everyone prayed for me before we left but I was still in a lot of pain. So much pain that I didn’t go to church Sunday morning. It felt better closer to noon on Sunday so Jacob took me out for a bite of lunch and to get some medicine. (I had taken some and spent a lot of time with my best friend the heating pad, but it wasn’t doing much.) I wanted to go to church that night so I needed something with some power in it. Our pastor’s wife is an RN and she suggested Aleve so we stopped in a store to get some.

  When we came out of the store, there was a lady standing at the back of a vehicle, talking on the phone and crying. There was a man standing in front of her—comforting her, I thought, but as we watched we realized that was not the case at all. We put our things in the car and got ready to leave when the man hauled off and slapped the lady hard across the face. I was shocked—he did that in broad daylight! ( I guess I am a sheltered little homeschool girl.)

Almost as soon as the man slapped her, Jacob was out of the car. The man looked like he was going to hit her again and Jacob told him not to touch her again. The man grew very irate with Jacob and went to the vehicle and start digging around in the backseat. There was another man in the car and he got out. Needless to say, I was having a prayer meeting in the car asking the Lord to intervene(Lord, protect my protector!) . I just knew a gun or something was about to come out and I  was prepared to use my car and run over whoever made a move at my husband.

There were a few other people in the parking lot and when they realized what was going on they came over and another man said the same thing as Jacob.

Long story short, they all left and the police were called and came by for a report and they are on the lookout for the man who slapped the lady.  I don’t know if they will find him, but at least she (and the other women in the parking lot) know that chivalry isn’t dead, and the man who hit her knows that he can’t get away with that forever.

  I have to admit, I was pretty scared, not knowing what was going to happen, but I was and am so proud of my defender.

  And my back? I took the medicine and it helped and I was able to go to church. During church the Lord touched me and it hasn’t hurt me the slightest bit since. I know it was the Lord and not just the medicine because there was a certain way that moved that it hurt even with the medicine and I realized during church that it didn’t hurt at all. Our God heals His people!

How to Pray for your Husband

Here are two reminders of ways to pray for our husbands. It is very needful that we lift our men up before the Lord every day, that He would strengthen them and help them.
There is no difference between the two graphics, choose whichever one your like best ;)

Click here to download

Click Here to Download

Answered Prayers

  

We serve an all-powerful God. There is nothing He cannot do. He can heal in an instant; He can raise the dead and restore sight and hearing to the blind and deaf. There is no limit to His power. I have witnessed first-hand His healing power when my sister Wendi was six and slipped and hit her head. She was unconscious, cold and completely unresponsive for an hour. We were living in Mexico at the time and far away from a hospital. The Lord was our only hope. We prayed, and Wendi  gradually began to warm up and woke up. She didn’t remember falling, and there was no trace—not even a bruise—of the accident. She was healed completely.

He can do anything, so why does He seemingly not do anything sometimes? Why does it seem like He doesn’t answer our prayers sometimes? When I was younger, I had a very wise Sunday School teacher who taught us about prayer. She told us that God always  answers our prayers, we just need to be able to recognize how He is answering them. Sometimes He says yes. Sometimes He says “Wait a little while”. And sometimes He tells us “No”.  He knows what is best for us and it is up to us to accept His will and not allow bitterness to take root in our heart.

   This last week was a hard one. There were literally thousands all over the world praying for little Annaleigh, asking the Lord to heal her and raise her up. He chose to take her home.  He answered our prayers, although maybe not in the way we had hoped.

Last summer a childhood friend of mine was found unconscious and not breathing. She was rushed to the hospital and was on life support for close to a week. They did not know what caused her to stop breathing, and we were sure that we were going to lose her. Prayers went up from all over and the Lord raised her up. She was healed completely.

  He did this for her, so why didn’t He do this for Annaleigh?  I have pondered this the last several days and in my prayers reminded the Lord of how He  raised my friend up and asked Him to do the same for Annaleigh. When He did not, I accepted it as His will and rejoiced that Annaleigh was with Him. But there was still the question: “Why, Lord?” Then He brought something to my remembrance and it helped put things into perspective.

When I had been praying for Ashlyn last year, my prayers had been different in nature. While I prayed for healing for her, my main prayer was for the Lord to be merciful and give her a second chance to commit her life to Him. She needed another chance. I was interceding for her soul.

My friend grew up in and around church—both sets of grandparents were pastors. I don’t claim to know to what extent she was in church, but it appeared that she never made a commitment. Her parents divorced and she had very rough and tragic time of it.  As she grew older her lifestyle didn’t show any signs of a dedicated walk with the Lord. I was very worried about her. So you can understand the urgency of mine and other’s prayers for her when she was on life support. The Lord, who is rich in grace and mercy, raised her up.

Last Sunday my father baptized her and her sister. Our prayers have been answered and she is safe.

Little Annaleigh didn’t need a second chance. She had never known sin. Her little purpose on earth was fulfilled and it was time for her to go home. His ways are above our ways. We can’t see the whole picture from where we stand. There are some things that we will never understand until we are in Heaven. It is not that He couldn’t raise her up. He could, but it was not His will to. Who knows what will come of this tragedy, and how it will be used for the Lord’s glory.

Please continue to pray for the Smith family.