Elisabeth Elliot on Love

“This love of which I speak is slow to lose patience - it looks for a way of being constructive.
Love is not possessive.
Love is not anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own ideas.
Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage.
Love is not touchy.
Love does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails.
Love knows no limits to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that stands when all else has fallen.”

― Elisabeth Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman

Of Knights and Fair Maidens

  I have always loved fairy tales and love stories. When I was a little girl I ate, drank and slept fairy tales. One thing that always stood out to me was that no matter how bad things got for the heroine of the  story, she would always be rescued by her man. Her hero always saved her.

   There is rarely  a story you read that does not, in some way or another, feature a damsel-in-distress and a gallant knight in shining armor or a cowboy in a white hat rushing in to save her. There is always a villain after the lady and it is up to her true love to rescue her from  the clutches of evil.

    I think that deep down—even if she won’t admit it—every woman likes to be rescued. I think it is built into us and not something we can outgrow or become to mature or spiritual for. We were made to feel like we need to be saved or rescued and the hero in our lives was made to be be our husband, or our father if we are unmarried.

    Men are wired to be the hero. They like to take care of the ladies in their lives. Men like to rescue and fix things. They like to save the day. You can see this even in little boys. They like to dress up as the hero and catch the bank robber and untie the girl from the railroad track in the nick of time. They like to be “the man.” This doesn’t go away when grow up—I think it grows worse ;)

  Some women do not like feeling like they need saving. It makes them feel weak and helpless. (They are not, by any means, weak and helpless however.) They feel they have to be tough and do everything themselves and not depend on anyone. Even some married women are like this.

   I feel sorry for the women who try to smother the need to be rescued. They are robbing themselves AND their hero of a blessing.  Sometimes an area of perceived weakness can actually be an avenue to the greatest blessing you’ve ever had.

   Sometimes we don’t realize that we need to be rescued. Our hero might see something that we can’t see and it is up to us to trust him enough and let him rescue us. When we put self aside and fulfill our roles as laid out in Scripture,  contentment, joy and blessings will overwhelm us.

     One of the advantages of a wife staying at home is less drama than if the wife had a job outside the home. Maybe not less drama so to speak, but more manageable drama. For example: (and I have seen this many times!)

     The wife is having problems at the office. Whether it be issues with people, or a crazy workload, or whatever, she comes home and tells her husband about it. She is so stressed and sometimes distraught and she wants things to be fixed. Her hero—her husband—in most cases, can do absolutely nothing about it.  This frustrates him because he can’t fix it. All he can do is sit back and watch his wife grow more frustrated and stressed.

   On the other hand, most of the drama in a stay-at-home wife’s life is simpler. 95% percent of the time my issues and problems can be solved and handled by my hero. I’ve been rescued, he fixed the problem and feels macho. We’re both happy and all is well in the world.

   In the end, we all need to be rescued—heroes and damsels alike. From the beginning of time Christ has been rescuing his Bride from the evil one, even dying to save her. Even when she was  running from Him (her Savior!) and didn’t think she needed to be rescued, He had a plan that would wash her clean and draw her to him. In the end, He will carry us off to live in His castle in the sky. I can’t wait!

Another Facebook Cover photo for you

 

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Paul Newman on Marriage

Please note: I do not support Hollywood’s way of life or their view on marriage and relationships, nor do I condone Paul Newman’s lifestyle. However, there’s some good food for thought and wisdom in the  following letter he wrote to second wife, Joanne Woodward, on their wedding day. They were married for 50 years, until his death parted them.

“ Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the Art of Marriage, the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon; it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding rooms for things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner."

Domestic Bliss and Trophy Bucks

Sequestered in their calm domestic bower,
   They sat together.  He in manhood’s prime
And she a matron in her fullest flower.
   The mantel clock gave forth a warning chime.
She put her work aside; his bright cigar
   Grew pale, and crumbled in an ashen heap.
The lights went out, save one remaining star
   That watched beside the children in their sleep.
She hummed a little song and nestled near,
   As side by side they went to their repose.
His arm about her waist, he whispered “Dear,”
   And pressed his lips upon her mouth’s full rose—
The sacred sweetness of their wedded life
   Breathed in that kiss of husband and of wife.

~Domestic Bliss, by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Before a girl marries she has dreams and ideas about how her home will be one day. I had mine planned right 

down to the color of the kitchen cabinets and tea-time at three o’clock in the afternoon everyday.

 We girls dream of how we will run it, how it will be ordered and how things will be in our very own home.

  What many of us do not take into consideration is the fact that the husband in the home will likely have his own opinions and ideas about how he wants things done in his home. And those ideas just might not line up completely with yours. Even with my very easy-going, laid-back husband, there have been a few bumps in the road in our journey towards domestic bliss.
 Here is an example of domestic dreams clashing:

As I have mentioned before, my husband is an avid and dedicated hunter. I fulfilled one of his dreams by not only having land to hunt on (for free!) but also that I like venison (or deer meat, as we call it). His mother has never been able to eat deer meat, no matter how it is prepared, so having a wife that liked what he brought home meant a lot to him.
  Being the avid hunter that he is, my Jacob likes to have his trophies stuffed and mounted and displayed on the walls of our home. His mom has always loved this aspect of hunting and joyfully displays all of the trophies that her husband and until recently, her son would bring home.
  Unfortunately, mounts are not my cup of decorating tea.  My father and brothers have always hunted, but the extent of their trophy keeping was to mount the skull and antlers on the shop wall. While I love the rustic country look—which is how I have most of my home decorated—mounts on the wall have never really appealed to me except in a man’s office or study. But not in my livingroom….Trophy mounts were not in my plans.
  Guess what? When I married my sweet Jacob not only did I get him, but also his small herd of mounts. At the time it was only Dasher and Dancer (a whitetail buck and an axis buck), but soon our game preserve will welcome Wilbur (a Pineywoods hog skull) and Billy, a Corsican ram’s head. (Those are my nicknames for them—don’t tell Jacob! ;) )
  Our apartment back home is about half the size of where we are living now and we are running out of wall space. It was really starting to bother me because it didn’t fit into MY plans, it didn’t match up with what I wanted, I didn’t want to seem like a redneck, I, ME, MY……..What’s wrong with this picture? Yes, there is a lot of ME and MY opinions in it.
  I had to stop and remember that it’s  not just my home, it’s our home. If I had wanted a house where I got everything my way and completely to my tastes, I shouldn’t have gotten married.
  One of my responsibilities as a wife is to be the homemaker—to make our house a home. We as homemakers are supposed to make our homes havens and places of joy and relaxation for our families. It should be a pleasure to come home because that is where you are most comfortable and where the things that matter to you and are important to you are. I have to remember that what may not be important to me, may be very important to my husband. Something that might be a source of irritation for me may the thing that really makes our dwelling feel like home to him.
  And to be honest, my wonderful husband lets me have my way in everything concerning the house—except the mounts. Those are the only things he asked for and really wanted. Sure, I could have thrown a fit and insisted that we leave them at his parent’s house and he probably would have eventually given in to me.But it means a lot to him to be able to display his trophies in his own home.  It helps make it home. Just like the things that mean a lot to me—my great grandmother’s dishes, the doilies that I made—help make it home. He doesn’t complain about the feminine touches I’ve added here and there. It convicts me about how I’ve felt about his things.
  Marriage is about two people compromising on their desires and giving in to each other. And not just “Ok, I’ll let YOU win this time, but I’m not going to let you forget it!” It means to do it without grudging or complaining. It’s about thinking about the other person and what is important to them and putting them first before yourself. No one said it would be easy, but everyone says how wonderful the rewards of it are.
  Domestic bliss is not something that just “happens” when you return from your honeymoon or after you’ve been married a while. You have to work for it and sometimes the work is hard. You have to deny yourself—no one likes doing that! But if you are committed to making things work, you’ll do whatever is necessary, no matter how much of an inconvenience it is to you personally.
  So I’ve decided to get over my dislike for trophy mounts in the livingroom because Jacob likes them. I’ve decided to start taking even more pride in what a great hunter he is and to appreciate his trophies.
That doesn’t mean that I’ll stop being concerned about wall space though!;)

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EOA # 20

A few first anniversary images

 

One Year ago today…

This year of being married to my best friend has been the best ever!

Goodbye, 2011, Hello 2012

2012 AD is here. Where did last year go? My head is still spinning from all the events of 2011. I feel as though I’ve barely caught my breath and here comes a new year.

The holidays and the New Year are come and gone and my home is empty of our company and quiet again. Back to our routine, just we two…

  Last year was full of milestones and transitions for me. At the beginning of the year Jacob and I married, went on a wonderful honeymoon, then settled down to domestic bliss in the city. I became a stay at home wife, instead of a stay at home daughter. Instead of many family members to fill my day, I suddenly only had one, and most of the day he was at work.

Last year was also full of weddings! It seemed like everyone we knew was getting married. My best and oldest childhood friend married six weeks after I did, not to mention several others who tied the knot soon after.

I reached the ripe old age of 23 last month. I really don’t feel like I am that old—I still feel like I’m seventeen!

I moved twice last year. I don’t like moving. I can see now that living an hour away from my family was just practice and preparation for living four hours away from them now.

I am so excited to see what this new year holds for us. I generally don’t make resolutions—though I will have a few goals I’d like to reach and areas I’d like to improve upon.

  For example, I would like to become a better manager of my time. I can get away with a lot of wasted time now, but once we have children, that won’t float.  I want to do better with menu planning and ordering how the house is run. I want our home to be a haven for Jacob and me. I don’t want it to be a place of disorder and be unable to be restful and peaceful.  I want to be more productive this year in my sewing and other domestic pursuits.

I want to be a better helpmeet this year. Last year was a transition year—from a daughter to a wife. Now that we are nearing our first anniversary, I want to make this year the best yet.

I want to grow more in my love for Jacob, but even more than that, I want to grow more and deeper in my love for God. I want to be what He wants me to be. I want to live my little everyday life in line with His will and His Word. I want to deal with and handle situations according to His word, and answer with a soft answer, full of grace and wisdom. I want to bless the people I come in contact with—whether they be church people or people at the store—and give them a glimpse of God’s love.

Well, I guess I have made a few resolutions. :) Happy New Year!

Two Years Ago Today....

Two years ago today, Jacob asked for permission date me. I can't believe how fast time has flown by. It has been the most fun, wonderful, exciting, and full two years of my life. I was reading over our story yesterday and marveled anew at how the Lord brought us and everything together.
  I can't imagine being with anyone else. If it is this wonderful now, and we've only just begun, I can't imagine how it will be in a few years, and then in twenty years....
  To sum it up, the following quote from Winnie-the-Pooh says how I feel:

The Bride

Many times in Scripture the Church is referred to as a woman--the beloved and the Bride of Christ. We as ladies are privileged to be able to be the physical representation of the Church to the world. We are able to show the world what a Blood-bought bride looks like and how she lives in her new life.
  The parallels and contrasts that are repeatedly drawn in the Bible confirm this. The similarities of the husband and wife relationship and of Christ and and the Church fill the pages of the Bible, not only in the New Testament, but also the Old Testament books. The books of the Prophets are replete with examples of the Lord wooing His beloved Israel (a type and foreshadow of the Church) from her sin-filled, empty life to a new life with Him.
  There is much we can learn and glean from the nation of Israel in the Old Testament. The people of Israel were different and set apart from the other nations of the world around them. They had a different lifestyle, a different set of rules, different dress, diet and style of worship. This was because of their relationship with Jehovah, the God Who led them out of Egypt and the wilderness. There was no doubt to Whom they belonged, or Who they worshipped.

  There wasn't a question of "Are they Hittites or Hebrews?" or "Well, they kind of look like Egyptians, but they talk about Jehovah so they must be Israelites." No, there was none of that. Everyone knew what they were and what they stood for.

That is how it should be with the Church. When people look at us, it should immediately be apparent that we are set apart. There should be no question whether we are His or not.

  Most of the time you can look at a married woman and at a glance see what her husband believes and stands for. If a woman is truly in love with her husband and in submission to him, she will be the image and the embodiment of what he believes and values.

   Since I became a married lady earlier this year, I am beginning to understand the Christ and His Bride relationship more fully than in times past. We married, I took his name and left my old life--my childhood--behind. Everything is new. A new home, a new church, new dishes, new furniture, new clothes :)

  I love my husband. Actually, I adore him and think that he hung the moon AND the stars. To please him is and make him happy is one of my greatest joys. I know what things make him feel loved. I know how he likes me to dress--what colors are his favorite on me--and how he likes my hair to be fixed. I know what he would like to see in my life.

  It is my privilege and my delight to please him and conform to his tastes and preferences. I love him so much and the best way I can think of to show him is to do the things he likes. It shows him that he has first place in my heart and affections, that my world revolves around him. This makes him adore and spoil me even more than he already does. He misses me when we are apart and if I send him a text or email that says "I miss you and love you and can't wait till you get home" it makes his day. When I brag on him, or praise him or something he has done, it just triples the effect. He loves and cherishes and adores me even more, and that makes me want to do more for him. It's like a circle :)

  I can't help but stop and think that if my earthly husband loves for me to lavish attention on him, and do things for him just because I love him, and tell him how wonderful he is, how much more does our Bridegroom love attention and affection and praise from His bride? When we do things that He asks, just because we love Him, not just because it will get us to Heaven. When we do things for Him, when we conform to His will, out of love and not expecting a reward, how do you think that makes Him feel?

  I don't want there to be any doubt His mind that I love Him completely and unreservedly.

EOA Link-up 

Being a Helper is Powerful--Revive our Hearts Broadcast

Today I listened to one of my favorite programs, Revive our Hearts, with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. The broadcast today was titled "Being a Helper is Powerful" by Mary Kassian. It was so good I had to share it with you. It painted a beautiful picture of the creation of woman, paralleled with the love between Christ and His bride, the Church. Awesome, awesome stuff. Hope it encourages you as much as it did me!

Being a Helper is Powerful

Contentment--Great Gain

 "But godliness with content is great gain." 1 Timothy 6:6 (KJV)

  A house, a milk cow, chickens, a little place to grow things, a big porch to sit on in the evenings with my honey, trees, a clothesline, the sounds of birds and woods instead of traffic....these are just a few of the things that I wish for at least once a week. My husband and I love to plan and dream about when we move back to the country. He wants a pair of hunting/cow dogs and a shop where he can build things for us. We are both very visionary and it is easy for us to get very wrapped up in our plans and ideas.
 My mom and I were talking the other day about all of our plans, and my parent's plans to build a new larger home on their land. We were saying how we couldn't wait and how wonderful it would be and life would just be great.
  While we were talking I realized something. Even though I ache to be back in the country, and I can't wait to have all of the things I mentioned above, I really and truly am happy. Completely happy and content just as I am now. I never thought this country girl could be so happy in the city.
 I was so happy when I realized that because for a while I have been making a conscious effort to bloom where I am planted. It is very easy to not want to put down roots because "Oh, we won't be here long enough, why go to all the trouble?" Roots take work and when the season changes, it can be painful to be uprooted. It can be easier sometime to live the idyllic future we imagine than living in the here and now. Sometimes the here and now isn't any fun.
  I have been trying very hard not get so wrapped up in what we are going to do, that I don't get to enjoy what we are doing and experiencing right now. I really am having the time of my life, when I stop and think about it. I feel like I am on an adventure--everything is new and I am learning all kinds of things. I have time right now to learn and perfect new skills and I may never have this opportunity again.
 I've also found that the more thankful and grateful I am, the more happy and content I am. Instead of wishing for the day when we can move to the country, I thank the Lord for the things He has given us and worked out for us here in the city.
 For example: out apartment is a bottom story apartment. This makes it so much easier when I buy groceries, not having to cart things up stairs. Also, our grandparents are able to visit us more easily, since going up stairs is difficult for them. We are able to park our vehicles right in front of our apartment, which is a great blessing, especially in the winter.
 Our home is a larger one bedroom apartment, with a small laundry room in it. I am able to do all of my laundry at home and not have to go elsewhere, like some of my friends who live in apartments have to. I can do laundry at midnight if I need to :)
  We live only about eight minutes from Jacob's job. Sometimes he is able to come home for lunch. It is wonderful that his commute every day is so short.
  When I am content and happy, it makes things easier for Jacob. It says to him that he is doing an amazing job providing for me and that I have confidence in him. When I am content and happy our home is peaceful and a refuge. He has always jokingly said "When Mama's happy, everyone is happy," and to large extent, that is true. The wife is largely responsible for the tone and the atmosphere in the home. I want our home to be a place of peace and joy for him.
  So, slowly and surely, I am learning contentment and its benefits and blessings. I want to bloom where I am planted and I want the fragrance from those blooms to be a blessing to my Creator, my husband and those around me.

 "....for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content." Philippians 4:11 (KJV)


Encourage One Another Link Up 

Loneliness and Transitions

I've learned a lot in the last nine months about loneliness and transitions. When I married, I moved from the country to the city, from one way of life to another. I changed addresses, churches, and left almost everything that was familiar and "safe" to me. I grew up in a small farming community where everyone knew everyone, just about, and if they didn't know me they knew my father, or grandfathers. My family has been in that area for close to a century.
 Now I'm in a rather large city on the outskirts of a really large city. I barely know anyone. There is not that same feeling of security that I used to have.
  Not only has all of that been a big adjustment, probably the hardest thing was going from a loud, happy, busy house that was always full of family and friends and life to being alone in an apartment most of the time. It was rather jarring, really. Going from having seven to eight other people to talk to and be with every day, all day, to just me, alone all day, was a huge change.
 The first several months were the hardest. I missed my siblings, I missed my parents, I missed my church and I missed the country. Yes, I had Jacob, and he was the fulfillment of all of my hopes and prayers, but I still missed my family. When you are as close to your family as I was  ( and still am) it is not easy to leave them. My mom is my best friend and we were used to being together, cooking together, drinking coffee in the afternoons...it was harder than I thought to leave them. My heart ached for them.
 Many nights after Jacob would fall asleep, I would get up and go to livingroom so as not to wake him while I cried from homesickness.
 I missed my church. I had grown up there, and now felt uprooted and like a stranger in a different land. My new church was wonderful, and loved me to pieces and went out of their way to make me feel loved and at home, but it just wasn't the same. It's a large church, and for awhile I felt that I wasn't needed. I grew up in a small church and I was very involved. I played piano, taught Sunday School, and helped with whatever else needed doing. Now I felt useless.
 To be honest, I was close to despair a few times.
  I don't think I could have made it through the transition without Jacob and the Lord. Jacob was wonderful and so understanding and gentle with me through all of this. He took me home to see me family A LOT. It was every weekend for awhile. We visited my church a lot those first few months.
  Whenever I would cry for missing everyone, he would hold me and pray for me, asking the Lord to help me and comfort my heart. He prayed for me a lot during that time.
 That time of loneliness drew me closer to the Lord and closer to Jacob. I'm beginning to understand "leaving and cleaving" now. It hurts sometimes. But it is necessary for growth and maturity.
  Things are much better now, nine months later. I still miss my family, and it hurts that I am missing so much of their lives--like my baby sister Faith has started walking this week, and I wasn't there. Those things still hurt. But I've grown accustomed to being alone most of the time, and actually sometimes I crave it. :) I guess I'm turning into a hermit.
 My new church is now "home" to me. My feelings of not belonging are gone now and I am very happy.
  I didn't know what I was in for when I married and moved away. So I will share somethings I wish I'd been told in order to deal with transitions and loneliness:

• You are going to miss your family more than you can imagine.
•  It's OK to cry. Don't try to hold it in, just cry and don't worry about it. You'll feel better afterwards, trust me. Tears can be healing.
• Transitions and changes do not come easily or painlessly most of the time, but they are for our good.
• Even when it hurts so bad and we don't understand, God sees the bigger picture and holds all in His hands.
• It will get better. It may take a little while, but it will be better and your heart will stop aching as much. Just draw close to God and your husband and it will all work out.

Encourage One Another Link Up

The Mrs. and the Quilt

I've been a Mrs. for eight months today. It has been the most wonderful eight months of my entire life. I still catch myself wondering if I am dreaming and when I'll wake up.
 Our little home is finally getting where I want it. I've been told that it is cozy and homey, something I've been striving for. I have to admit though, my first few months here I wondered if it would ever feel like home. Its bare, waiting-to-be-decorated walls were depressing and I didn't know where to start. I felt like we would never get anything up on the walls except deer heads and clocks.
  I wanted (and still want) our home to be comfortable and peaceful and for Jacob to love it and be proud of it. I wanted him to be happy and relaxed here and not feel out of place. It's his castle--I'm just the one in charge of decor and atmosphere. (And he lets me have my way in everything concerning the castle :-) )
  I can't pinpoint the moment when it began happening, but I do know the moment when I realized that it felt like home. I'd been making doilies and pillows and having photos I'd taken around the farm developed and framed. I'd been pulling heirlooms out of my hopechest, setting them out and using them. These actions helped a lot--they added personality and really made it feel like it was "mine".
 What really completed it for me was a quilt. Jacob bought me a quilt for our bed--an eight-pointed star pattern on a light tan and white floral background. Even though it was cheater's piecing (for all you non-quilters, cheater's piecing is fabric that is printed to look like a patchwork quilt), I fell in love with the colors. It looks like it was made from feed sacks.
 Feedsacks?! What?! A lot of people don't know this, but at one time feed sacks were made from cotton fabric printed with lovely calico designs. I've been told stories by my great-grandmother about ladies sending their husbands to the feed store with a piece of material and instructions to match the pattern so they could finish a dress.
 I put the quilt on the bed and raised the window blind, turned and left the room. A few minutes later I came into the room and it dawned on me--this was home, really home.
  Who knew what a quilt could do?

The quilt that made it feel like home.

He makes all Things New

My favorite picture from the wedding! Maybe that is why I keep using it in my blog posts :)

5And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.

~Revelation 21:5 (KJV)

It has always been amazing to me how the Lord allows our earthly human relationships to reflect His relationship with us. It gives us context and helps us learn and better understand His love for us. Before I was married I learned volumes about His love for me as my Heavenly Father from my earthly father.

Now that I have entered a new season of life I'm learning about another aspect of His love. I am beginning to see Jesus' love as the Bridegroom.

Everything in my life right now is new. New dishes, a new address, new towels, a new church and a new last name. My priorities have changed, as has my lifestyle. Marriage has completely changed my world and the way I live.

As I did when I was still in my father's house, I can see things that remind me of the Lord. I have a new perspective now and my husband and his love for me remind me greatly of the Bridegroom and how things change when you become His.

When you fall in love with Jesus and make a commitment to Him, you get a new name. You get a new life and a new set of priorities. Everything is new--a new heart, a new attitude.

Your life changes and with that new life comes a new set of challenges and tests. You'll be asked to move in areas that require you to leave your comfort zone.

I never dreamed my new married life would be so wonderful and full. I also never dreamed how trying some of the changes and transitions would be. It is scary to leave the safety of everything you've ever known and enter a new season.

But I haven't been alone. My husband has been patient, kind, tender and so loving to me. He has given me direction, encouragement and comfort on days when the changes hurt the most and I couldn't understand. He has loved me and made sure that my needs are met first and that I feel safe.

Just like our Bridegroom. He draws us close and comforts us; He provides for our needs and gives us direction. He is gentle and patient with us as we start our new life.

We are safe with Him.

And they LIVE happily ever after...

This is part 2 of this post.

In June of 2009 a very significant event took place. My maiden aunt Mary married a man named Michael. Michael had a friend close to my age that he really wanted me to meet. Oh, and did I mention this friend was a guy? Michael had been trying to set me up with this friend for almost a year despite my telling him that I did not date. (On a side note though, my dad told me it was ok for me to meet guys! Meeting them did not mean that I was flirting or dating them! Thank you Lord for a wise father and mother!) That friend's name was Jacob.

I first met Jacob at a softball game at his church in September of 2008. He and Michael went to the same church and Aunt Mary, my brother and I were invited. I went mainly because I wanted to be with Aunt Mary and to check out Michael, this fellow she had started seeing.

To be honest there weren't fireworks and I didn't hear violins playing the first time I saw Jacob. It wasn't love at first sight. I don't really remember much about him from that day other than that he had a really nice truck. Jacob, however, remembers in detail what I was wearing and how I had my hair fixed!

An amusing story from that day is what happened when the guys asked my brother if I was his sister. He told them yes, but not to ask me for my number because I wouldn't give it to them. Talk about a first impression!

I didn't really think much of it (or him!) after that day. I didn't think I'd see him or that church again. I was wrong.

Michael and my aunt became engaged in January of 2009 and I realized that we would be seeing more of that church and Jacob, especially since Michael and Mary were buying a home close to my parents. Also Aunt Mary often went to Michael's church on Sunday nights and she didn't like making the long trips home late at night alone. (She lived over an hour away.) So I went with her.

Several times before the wedding Michael had some young people from the church over to he and Mary's home. Somehow I always found an excuse for us (me) to go over there when the young people (Jacob) were there. I didn't realize it, but that's what I was doing. I think I used the excuse "Oh I really enjoy the fellowship with their godly young people."
One such evening we took a trip on four-wheelers and a Kawaski mule down to the river and Jacob let me drive the Mule back. That was a very important little ride. He wanted to know "if" he wanted to date me, what he'd have to do. I told him to talk to my daddy and I shared with him how I felt about relationships. I told him that I felt you shouldn't date unless you were almost positive you would marry that person.

That really surprised him as he'd never actually met someone who believed that way. He'd heard of it, but never actually met one in the flesh. He told me that night that he'd never met a girl like me before.

I thought that after that conversation I wouldn't hear anymore from him. I was wrong again.

About a month later Mary and Michael married. We had so much fun the weekend of their wedding. Jacob and I both played music at the wedding and because of that, we sat together during the ceremony. He was so sweet the whole weekend. He waited on me hand and foot, had Kleenexes in his suit pocket for me if I needed them during the ceremony and was so attentive. I didn't know what to think of it.
Just before my family left the reception he caught me off guard and asked me for my phone number. I almost slipped and gave it to him, but I caught myself and pointed toward my father. I told him if Daddy didn't mind him having my number, then I didn't. He promptly went over to my father and asked for it. Daddy smiled and told him they'd have to talk about it.

This wasn't my dad's first time to interact with Jacob. Actually my parents loved him almost from the first time they met him. Daddy told me not too long after that incident that more he was around Jacob, the more he liked him.

We saw each other a few more times that year and Jacob called my father wanting to talk to him about dating me. Daddy let me know about it and wanted an answer to give Jacob, if I was interested or not. For the longest I wouldn't give him an answer--I was still trying to make a decision about someone else. Jacob kept calling and Dad kept putting him off because I wouldn't give an answer.

Finally at the end of November of 2009 I was in a position to consider Jacob as a suitor. Daddy came to me one more time and told me that Jacob had called again, and he didn't think it was fair to Jacob to keep avoiding the subject. Jacob deserved an answer.

I told Daddy that I was interested in him and asked would it hurt for Jacob to come over and us just talk and see how things would work out? It couldn't hurt just to talk, could it?
On December 1, 2009 (which was a Tuesday and a work night) Jacob made the hour long trip to come talk to my father about dating me. He ate supper with us and then he and Daddy got down to business.

I know I shouldn't have, but I hid out in our dining room and eavesdropped. I couldn't help it! I wanted to hear what they said. I thought I was doing really well at being invisible, but my siblings kept walking by and talking to me.

Daddy shared with Jacob our family's views on relationships and by the time he left that evening (at midnight!) I had a beau.

One of the things that I love so much about Jacob is his understanding of and respect for authority and those that God has placed over us. He talked with his pastors and parents about me a lot and wanted their blessing before approaching Daddy for permission to date me.

On my 21st birthday I went with him to his church's Christmas banquet. I had so much fun. It was the most fun I'd had in a long time. We talked and laughed and found out so many things that we had in common. It was the most wonderful birthday I'd ever had. I went to bed so happy that night.

Three weeks later I knew that I would marry him. From the very beginning he told me he wanted to do things right. And he did.
He began to love me like Christ loves His Bride and through that, the Lord healed my broken heart. I was still struggling with my mistakes from the previous season of my life and he constantly reminded me that it was under the Blood and it didn't matter to him. It was over and I needed to forgive myself and move on.

On May 2nd, 2010 Jacob asked me to marry him. I could say yes without fear because I knew that he would love me and take care of me. I knew we were in the will of God and I had an overwhelming peace in my heart.

I don't want to give the impression that we had a perfect, smooth courtship, because we didn't. We had some pretty rough patches, but through the Lord, we worked them out. They just drew us closer together and we are stronger for them.

Like I said in the previous article, our courtship wasn't typical. We went places alone, we held hands and yes, we even kissed before we were married. I don't regret it at all. Our first kiss was so sweet, I almost cried. It wasn't awkward and it wasn't lustful. It was exactly how a first kiss is supposed to be.

We were married on January 15, 2011. Life with my best friend has been amazing. I can't imagine being with anyone else. He is the fulfillment of all my dreams and prayers and I couldn't be happier.

The Lord knows exactly what we need and when we need it. I never imagined myself with someone like Jacob. I thought that I would marry this certain type of man and we would live a certain type of life....that was more of me putting the Creator of the Universe in a little box. Instead of that (which would have been very dull), He's given someone who completes me.

²⁴Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,

²⁵To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.

Jude 24,25

EOA Link up #13

Courtship? Are you crazy?

Photo by Susan Addington

Courtship seems to be one of many controversial subjects in the conservative Christian world. Especially in the homeschool movement. Either people love it or they hate it. Either they had a wonderful experience with it or they were burned by it.

Mine and Jacob's courtship story is neither typical nor mind-blowing. By not typical I mean we didn't follow the 1+2+3= courtship formula. By not mind-blowing I mean that we weren't halfway around the globe and found out about each other through someone's uncle's cousin's best friend. It was very simple but the hand of God was evident throughout the whole process.

When I was young the Lord placed in my heart a desire to do things differently. (It was probably due, in part, to being homeschooled.) From an early age I didn't want a scores of boyfriends. I only wanted one and I wanted to marry him. I didn't want the heartache and baggage that I had seen come from multiple relationships. I chose not to date.

When I began the "I don't date" journey I truly believe my motives were pure. I had a goal in mind and I was focused--very focused.

As I grew older though, I began using my convictions on romantic relationships as armor to protect me from the ever present "Do you have a boyfriend yet?" and other such questions that inevitably plague a girl reaching marriageable age.

As a result, my perspective became skewed and my focus blurred. By the time I graduated high school I was very disillusioned with the whole concept. I had put God in a box and decided that since we didn't have the ideal conditions and environment for a "perfect courtship" it wasn't going to happen for me. I wasn't going to have the cookie-cutter courtship like you read about in the homeschooling magazines. I felt like God had failed me and that I needed a back-up plan. I couldn't understand why he had placed that desire in my heart then left me hanging. I doubted my Creator.

In consequence I became involved in a relationship against the wishes and advice of my parents. It placed me out of the will of God. I learned some very hard, painful lessons by the time I finally ended it.

Regret? Baggage? Oh yes I had them. Heartache? More than I ever imagined. Everything that I had wanted to avoid now consumed me. The realization that I had failed was probably the hardest thing to bear.

Long story short, the Lord humbled me. He got my attention and when my heart and spirit were teachable again He began to move in my life in ways I'd given up hope of ever seeing again.

Two of the most important things I've learned throughout the courtship and marriage process are these:

1. God is sovereign. Period. He knows all, sees all, commands all...He holds everything in His hands and works things according to His purpose and our good. He knows what He's doing. Period.
2. There is no such thing as a perfect, cookie-cutter courtship. It just doesn't happen. Courtships are made up of imperfect people--imperfect couples, imperfect parents, imperfect families. I'm sorry, but all those negatives do not make a positive. I'm not saying that the outcome can't be wonderful, but I am saying that just because you chose courtship over dating does not mean that it will be easier for you.

I often wondered after I began the courtship with Jacob why the Lord allowed me to mess up and get so far off course before He brought Jacob to me. I didn't understand why He didn't save me from all that.

I came across the following quote from Elizabeth Elliot in her book A Chance to Die. It sums up many things for me and many of the lessons that I've learned. I'm only human, but the Lord still chooses to work through my flawed flesh.

"A Sovereign God...works through flawed human instruments to whom He has given the power of choice. Sometimes our choices are mistaken. Divine sovereignty permits those choices."

to be continued....

How to Preserve a Husband

Being a new bride, keeping my husband happy and comfortable is naturally one of my main concerns and interests. I came across the following in an old canning book of my mother's. She assures me this recipe is a good one and worth following. Enjoy!


How to Preserve a Husband

Be careful in your selection. Do not choose too young. When selected, give you entire thoughts to preparation for domestic use. Some wives insist upon keeping them in a pickle, others are constantly getting them into hot water. This may make them sour, hard, and sometimes bitter; even poor varieties may be made sweet, tender and good, by garnishing them with patience, sweetened with love and seasoned with kisses. Wrap them in a mantle of charity. Keep warm with a steady fire of domestic devotion and serve with peaches and cream. Thus prepared, they will keep for years.

--from the Ball Blue Book, Copyright 1972